on finding love

As my pathetic, post-breakup self vented my frustrations to my dearest friend, lamenting the possibility of a love moving on to find another love, she said one of the most beautiful things I may have ever heard.  Of course he's going to try to move on and take his mind off things--and you're doing that too, she said, but you're finding love in different ways in your life--through people and experiences. And I think that's exactly what you need to be doing. 

For some reason, that concept had not occurred to me.  Of course, I know I love my friends.  I adore my family.  I am happy in my job and thrilled to be living in D.C.  I've spent amazing weekends in Charlottesville with some of the best friends I could ever ask for.  And I just returned from a weekend in Georgia with my family + my "chosen family"--an experience I'll never forget.  But I had never registered the fact that, in partaking in these experiences and building these relationships in my life, I was finding love.  That has traditionally been a term equated with finding a romantic relationship.  But--it doesn't have to be, and, now that I think about it, it most definitely should not be.  My friend continued:

You know i'm a hopeless romantic...one of my biggest dreams is to fall in love and have a family--I think about it all the time.  But lately, I've been like, yes--love is the most important thing in this world.  But there are SO many types of love.  With friends, family, place, books, whatever.  And I just want to fill my life with those types of loves and focus on those kinds of love more, you know?

Ah, how could I have been so preoccupied with a single type of love that I neglected to notice all of the other forms of it that constantly flow through this world?  There's love for music, for writing, for working out, for Christmas lights; love for family and friends and places and things; love for rainy days and big sweaters and--perhaps most importantly (but not selfishly), love for yourself.

There are so many ways to find love or build love or embody love--so many loves to focus on.  And maybe this time is about doing just that:  focusing on the loves that are not romantic, but life-giving (and life-changing) nonetheless.  

So, here's my list on How to Find Love, so far:
- pause to admire beautiful things
- walk ten minutes out of your way in the freezing cold to look at christmas lights
- let yourself skip a work out just once in order to drink wine and eat cheese crackers (and maybe a chocolate or two) instead
- read a book that makes you laugh, yet still carries a deeper meaning
- treat yourself to a manicure, and say yes to the champagne when they offer you a glass
- listen to the new Taylor Swift album on repeat (and watch the Blank Space video too many times)
- splurge on the new clothes--feeling flawless is worth it
- above all, figure out what it feels like when your heart is overflowing with joy.  And don't settle for anything--or anyone--that brings you less.  Life is short, friends, and anything less than pure joy simply will not do.